Anthropophobic

That's me. I just don't like people. I discovered this on the tug out of Blankland.

We were going up the main way through the skeletons of discarded power-stations adrift on the straits. The captain was up on the deck doing that windswept sou'wester thing in the pissing rain. Me and most of the others were down in the main cabin, the stove hot, mugs of tea, cigarettes and cards. I can't play cards, and I can't talk stupid, so I was a bit out of sorts in the company. I noticed my accent subtly changing so I could better fit in. It got harsher, with more swearing. Good for me.

Tired of it pretty quickly, and told the big fat fuck under-captain that he was a big fat fuck.

That didn't go down too well. There was a sticky silence. He'd got a reputation for being a bully, and I just pushed his fuck off button. Good for me.

"You want to say that again?" he said.

I told him, no, I was OK with saying it once.

"So are you apologising?"

I smiled, a bit strained, and told him no, and pointed out he's big, he's fat, and he's a fuck. Which makes him a big fat fuck.