Because everyone tells me that.
I am a bad man because:
- I don't return texts immediately, irrespective of the circumstances I'm in (you know, like separating my small boys from each other's whirling fists)
- I have a "phone manner"
- I reply to long rambling emails with one-liners
- I think it is clearly ok to let my boys play on the Xbox, the Wii and the iMac until they get square-eyed and LCD irradiated
- I am not interested in how shit your day was
- I don't tell you how shit my day was, because I don't think you would be interested
- I drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes
- I don't give a flying shit about issues you have
- I drink coffee with three sugars
- I sing about killing people on youTube, and this is not taken as a joke
- I have no time for religionists, and do not respect their lunacy
- I am taller than you
- You are unlikely to be taller than me, or better looking, as you are all ugly dwarves (and that's a joke too)
- You don't get my sense of humour
- You are a fat midget
- You are self-important enough to think I'm talking about you in particular, whatever I say. Fuck off, I have other concerns, not involving your neediness
- I have built a nukular backpack bomb for squirrels
- I swear a lot
- You're a twat
So there you are; clearly I am Doctor Bastardpants
Amateur psychiatrists will have a lawn day with that.
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