where wolf

he voluminous blooming gust of belched air comes across the dark green dark of the moor, and so does the werewolf. His mouth is spittled and raw, his breath strong and red. His penis hangs between his legs a black weight. He will eat and fuck you, his teeth in you and his hips cracking against you.

So (knowing this) you run headlong through the gorse and bracken. When you find the road, its gravel outlying, you run that much faster over its hard return to your slapping feet. No good: you maybe faster, so is he. His breath is on your heels, a hot one two, the leap to bring you down a potential that is about to be realised.

shite

Get your car up the ramp to the waiting ferry. Customs is passed, and you are very relieved that, the weight of contraband is undetected, a freight of tobacco a bible coded prediction of selling in car boot sales, along with lamps, porcelain dogs and bootleg CDs.

kind of shite

There's no win in the motorway, up your arse all the way to junction nine, until you swing a turn as they pass you. The little lights of the exit, as you swing, studded along the way.

almost ok

You run the last length of road. A memory of a polystyrene float in front of you as you look through the chlorinated blue before you get to the end where the tracksuited (dry) instructor beckons you on with cupped hands and mimed front crawl.

The flecks of spit run up the the back of your neck. The burn of teeth is surely following.

kind of shite

When I was 17 or so I got a job on a farm, and my dad said to me (the only real advice he ever gave me, other than "don't fuck someone ugly", that was any real use) - "if a farmer asks you can you do a job, say yes, because nine times out of ten the job will be less boring than the one you are doing"

On the first day then the farmer says "can you use a hay bailer?" Now, you should take note of the verb in that statement, it's "use", it's not "drive". Had the farmer said "can you drive a hay bailer", I, with driving experience fully described by a short sentence which included the components: "fairground", "bumper car" and "badly" and notwithstanding respected father's advice, would have said "no, I have not driven anything without a pikey hanging on the aerial, and I would like to respectfully decline the implied offer of stimulating employment"

much better