Nationalisation now not evil anti-capitalist communism

Because the capitalists are asking for it, demanding it and getting all piss-faced when the government says, fuck off, hold on a minute, I want to think about this.

The capitalists, say, Look, the man, we fucked up hard selling shite to each other based on our grandmothers we sold, so now it's time to hand out one of they fucking big welfare checks we've been telling you all this time distort the economy we just broke.

So the government, on both sides of the atlantic, cave in, and go Ok, like, here's the cost of a free national healthcare system to keep you in silk panties and gold-plated urinals.

But someone in our government hit on a top idea - let's nationalise the fuckers, she says, that'll show them, so here's £50 billion, but we want shares, say about 20% of your bank, cocksuckers.

Because these banks make obscene profits most years (except when they start dealing in multiply-leveraged cotton-wool buttplugs (subprime mortgages)), that's a good deal, a sound investment (not that the banks would know a sound investment if it anally raped them with a fish).

So now taxpayers in the UK are shareholders, and if the banks don't go designing bucket of fart futures again, we stand to actually get a return on our investment.

Cool. But let's not sell the shares back to them when the bankers get out of the arsehole they put themselves in. When they say, cheers then, the man, we're ok. Let's get back to you leaving us alone, m'kay?

The government should say, no, fuck you in the ear. You're nationalised now.

Now, there's other profiteering shitbags out there screwing us in desperate times - the energy companies.

The left has been asking for a windfall tax. Nope, not going to happen - too many vested, double-breasted, interests involved.

So clearly our government should buy 50% shares in the bastards. I'd like to see the negotiation - Hey, slime-mould, nationalistion was ok for the bankers, right? Those pisscakes demanded it, so it's now right on, right wing and neo-con? Nationalisation through shares is ok now, yes? So what are you complaining about? Fuck off, sell me the shares shitbin.

They make shitloads of money, looks like a good investment for us taxpayers. Maybe we could plough the returns into, oh I don't know, lowering taxes.

Ha! Nationalisation lowers taxes! It's a win-win situation, capitalist socialism.

And the old crap about private sector is better managed than public sector because of the twin drivers of profit and shareholder value isn't even in the equation, except for this: yes drive profit for me private sector top-flight management twats; drive it for me, the shareholder, the taxpayer - lower my taxes.