Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Philosophy of not being crap

There's a lot (and I should say, being portentous, a vast hinterland) of people who just keep on keeping on and don't measure their morals between authoritarian poles. They don't have, nor want, an external force to guide them in their ethics. And in fact feel slightly demeaned when they have to call on precepts of goodness they have not themselves evolved.

That's you and me, basically good, but not because of magic-man-in-the-sky's edicts.

So how does that work, and how do you defend that?

Easy. I made my own moral compass, and its direction is rounded by my contemplation. I am not so stupid that I need orders to be moral.

Playing the same game

If intelligent design is true - why are creationists less intelligent than amoeba?

If, in my day to day, toil...

I indirectly made you think of something that was sometimes sideways from what you normally think (food, sleep, work, sex, knitting) then I can say hole heartingly that my work is done.

If not, and you got that instant lemon-lips in your face, then I can follow that up with an instant "fuck off". That will justify your immediate disdain. Well done you, you have retreated with prejudices intact.

Or, maybe you've got this far and are expecting some validation for your fortitude. Well, yes, thanks for keeping keeping on.

But no, really, I just went meta.

Random thoughts on the phone wire

In my cups that I am, here's a list of shits with which I do not abide:

  • Keith
  • Kevin
  • Keifer
  • South Kesteven

That's the K done, now the L

Fuck off L

Monday, July 28, 2008

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Space aliens visit earth

So says zero G looney tune Dr. Edgar.

This is not news everyone. Space aliens have been probing my anus since 1993. Whitley Schreiber can suck my cock.

I've had greys up my bumhole since the year dot. Flying saucers, cups and teapots all swinging round my village in rural Rutland. They fire over the flatness of Lincolnshire, through the Catmose Vale, looking for lip leakers in pickups.

Got me because I hitched from Leicester to the Oakham, and got picked up by Stanley Bottomley, poacher turned poacher on the Burghley estate.

Quick tractor beam uptake, desultory probe of the arse piece, and then landed back in the high street of Oakham on a Saturday afternoon with my trousers round my ankles.

That was my explanation to the magistrate.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

it stands

It's mainly about eyebrows

There's no other thing

I think I have established that.


Well yes, there was this one time that I dressed up as a nun and took a train to Derby early in the morning.

I admit that now, and am suitably embarrassed.

It was a long time ago and it wasn't intended to be blasphemous, just worthy of an anecdote.

I wimpled all the way. Got off the train in the rain, adjusted my habit and smiled benignly at the ticket person bless you dear and took the next train back.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


Once a polly tito, there in the woodbold with all the leafy clutter canopold abovely skyhole, there I saw a sparrow flighty wing, from one twigger in the dusk, flappy feather there. Oh yes.

Oh yes, the twigger in the dusky moonflit night, i remember the very thingalo.

I remembold the very thing, all sing in their throakers, very there, up in the moonflit duskbode, and having a gleam in the eyehole. Even raining, wet damp and fold it in the cloth, still heart fallolops in the spring.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Stanley Unwin

Greatbold manifold and in the hereinafter, now deadly interned.

Some phrases from Unwinese
  • Deep joy: Pleasing.
  • Goodlilode: Good or excellent.
  • Nockers (as in I did nockers): Not.
  • Terribold: Terrible.
  • Remarkibold: Remarkable.
  • Horribold: Horrible.
  • Falollop: Fall.
  • Once a polly tito: Once upon a time.
  • Thriftymost on your banky balancer: Very good value.
  • Goodlibilode: Goodbye.

keeping this

Before it fucks off down the twitter tree - it's deep:

As a political doctrine I think having the same opinion as people you agree with is very strong. You may disagree (you'd be wrong)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Haven't been writing much lately

I am in the throes (and throws) of giving up smoking (again), and apart from occasional and avoidable relapses it's going ok.

Probably the most difficult thing I'm going to do this year, except for the yoga (and that's only so I can learn to kiss my own elbows, nice elbows).

So, there's not going to be much from me now for a while, until I get that more-oxygen-in-my-bloodstream buzz, so I'm practically levitating with energy.

Plus, the ability to burn things at a distance with my eyes. Feel like I've got lasers in them already.

I've been dribbling on twitter a bit, just to keep my finger in.

And I'll be posing daily photo diary of my battle with the weed here.

Enjoy! I know I won't.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Rambling times

There's this thing up a hill, it's made of plastic forms and aluminium hinges, each one depending from the other, so the wind fills them full of air. The hinges go square and the plastic inflates. So you have a clear polyurethane enclosure, but on a hill.

The gorse gets a little jealous and attempts to be more yellow (wins that competition, clearly, but that wasn't the game, so loses really).

It's something artificial on a hill, powering a house in the valley. The hinges take the strain as the plastic bags inflate, one after the other, and piss electricity into a battery hooked up below.

In other news, I had a good time in the Peak District, how about you?

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Had nothing to say

Therefore said nothing


Nope. Still nothing.

And I'm usually so edifying.


Friday, July 04, 2008

Plastic Dog Bombs

plastic dog bombs

For all your plastic dog bomb needs.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

iPhone face recognition: another application

People who look like me.

Obviously dependent on eyebrows in my case.

Externalising iPhone games: recognition server

The iPhone has a camera and is location aware.

iPhone face recognition

So you can take games out of the tiny screen and make them part of the landscape.

I haven't got any particular game ideas (unlike this guy), but just one (other) way to make use of the built-in input stuff is to make the iPhone become a passport for an ARG like experience: recognition server.

Basically the idea is this: you go to a location specified by the game and take a photo of the indicated landmark (or person). The photo is flicked to the recognition server, algorithmic magic ensues, and you get a hit if the landmark (or person) is, er, recognised. For face recognition you could use the touch screen to mark key points: eye centres, mouth corners, and so on.

So, for example, as part of the ARG, you've got to meet someone, you take a photo of that person, and then you get told whether it's the right person.

There could be a real life application for this too: when you register your phone you take a photo of yourself, so at any time subsequently you can affirm ownership via face recognition.

That's it really.

Just one idea occurs: city-wide tennis.

Sorry for the pompous title.