I keep getting distracted. I know that the whole story isn't here, so I'm constantly telling myself to not invest. I tend to get invested. . . But then I have to, to properly read it. Okay. It's a little choppy, but I think that's intentional. I don't mind that. I like the level of challenge offered. I mean I like the one plus one rather than somebody shreaking TWOOOOO at me. It's good. I REALLY don't like to be suddenly blindsided by a out of context bad language moment. Well, you *said* to say what I think. You used to do that, but I don't see it as much here. Whew! Like that. And okay, I admit, I'm a re-reader. I'll want to re-read this a couple of times. . . I'd like to see one complete unit of thought sometime as well. A short story, perhaps? I think your patterns would lend themselves to that very well. That's it for now. More later. =8-)
Thanks for the feedback so far, it's much appreciated. "Out of context bad language moment"?
Not sure what you're getting at here - is it good that I didn't do one, or did I do one? I've got to re-read it now.
Anyway, I've got some editing to do, and I've also got to put in the third thread that links it all together - I left it out becuase it's a bit super-science-fictionotron at the moment (all big guns and big spaceships), and doesn't really fit, although it does expalin the connection between the autyopilot (called clement), Dr. Carrington (first name clement) and the captain (memory-wiped, but I hope obvious who he is), the time cadet and mathMeme itself.
All, good stuff, and when I've taken out (or re-reordered) the stream-of-consciousness flights of fantasy (which is hopw I write), it'll be cool (I hope).
I keep getting distracted. I know that the whole story isn't here, so I'm constantly telling myself to not invest. I tend to get invested. . . But then I have to, to properly read it. Okay. It's a little choppy, but I think that's intentional. I don't mind that. I like the level of challenge offered. I mean I like the one plus one rather than somebody shreaking TWOOOOO at me. It's good. I REALLY don't like to be suddenly blindsided by a out of context bad language moment. Well, you *said* to say what I think. You used to do that, but I don't see it as much here. Whew! Like that. And okay, I admit, I'm a re-reader. I'll want to re-read this a couple of times. . . I'd like to see one complete unit of thought sometime as well. A short story, perhaps? I think your patterns would lend themselves to that very well. That's it for now. More later. =8-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback so far, it's much appreciated.
ReplyDelete"Out of context bad language moment"?
Not sure what you're getting at here - is it good that I didn't do one, or did I do one? I've got to re-read it now.
Anyway, I've got some editing to do, and I've also got to put in the third thread that links it all together - I left it out becuase it's a bit super-science-fictionotron at the moment (all big guns and big spaceships), and doesn't really fit, although it does expalin the connection between the autyopilot (called clement), Dr. Carrington (first name clement) and the captain (memory-wiped, but I hope obvious who he is), the time cadet and mathMeme itself.
All, good stuff, and when I've taken out (or re-reordered) the stream-of-consciousness flights of fantasy (which is hopw I write), it'll be cool (I hope).
ah, found it. Sorry about that. Now removed, and better for it.
ReplyDeleteAm working on the thrid thread. In between I'm punctuating the rest properly - it's a kind of mindless therapy.